Divorce and Its Effect on American Life

Till death do us not!

Men are cheaters, women are naggers, and divorce has skyrocketed affecting the way the world is now run. “I love you” is substituted with “I hate you” and martial vows have become lies. Economically challenging, emotionally and mentally damaging, and over all tragic, Americans are suffering from relationships gone bad. Youthful marriages are more frequent and less valued. Drug addiction is always a growing concern and is also invading martial life. Marriages are also suffering from the destruction of adultery. One has to wonder weather America can survive the severity of divorce and its effects that are beginning to weigh on the lives of its people. The first topic of discussion concerns youth.

America’s youth are beginning to become an important cause in today’s divorce statistics. There is a disturbing new trend developing that involves marriage and today’s American youth. The trend involves something called “starter marriages”. A “starter marriage” is a first time marriage that lasts for five years or less. These marriages typically involve younger adults and produce no children. Some like to think of these “starter marriages” as rehearsals for “real” future marriages. It is America’s modern approach to perfecting marriage. However, it is also a huge cause of divorce.

The sad thing about this new and growing view on marriage is that it feeds on low self-esteem, lack of self-respect, and self gratification. Younger women or men who are struggling with family issues, insecurities and emotional distress, may marry for security reasons. Since they may not necessarily be in love with one another, the marriage will most likely result in divorce, but so is drug addiction.

May one’s poison be alcohol-related or any other substance abuse, it is a destructible dependence that can quickly rip a marriage apart. Many of those who suffer from drug abuse have a high potential for causing harm to ones self as well as others through violent interactions or accidents. Drug addiction has also resulted in one’s loss of dignity, financial stability, motivation in life, and possible death. The affects on a marriage can be devastating. Someone in a partnership, whose perceptions, thoughts, and emotions are constantly altered by drugs, can be severally destructive to the other partner involved. Physical and emotional abuses are very common as well. Emotional distress can be weighing and harmful to a marriage and in some possible tragic cases, death may be the end result. Some people try to get help for their spouses who suffer from substance abuse. Rehabilitation and marriage counseling are often good effective ways to saving a marriage and avoiding divorce. However, if the user is not able or willing to quit their addiction, then their partner has no choice but to do what’s best for them as well as their family. The next topic focuses on adultery.

One of the most harmful causes of divorce is the wandering eye of a spouse. Spouses involved with a cheating partner suffer emotionally, physically, and mentally. Divorce is usually the end result. A wandering eye may lead to an innocent conversation, which may lead to a provocative encounter. Traditional signs of infidelity consist but are not limited to; long hours unaccounted for, strange smells, coldness during sex, unexplained expenses, and changes in your spouse’s appearance and attitude. When a cheater is caught or suspicions begin to develop, the emotional stress can be lead to erratic behavior. One might spy on the other. Privacy and trust fly out the window, while depression and anger sets in.

Guilt can also eat away at a person. It makes that person stand-offish as well as paranoid to his spouse, even though he is the one who cheated. A marriage can suffer severally from infidelity. Whatever problems a marriage might encounter, adultery is never a good resolution. Divorce is usually the outcome and the emotional damage can lead to future issues. All of these factors are important.

Divorce in America are caused in many various and sad ways. The modern idea of “starter marriages” created by America’s youth is definitely an unorthodox cause. Drug Addiction is a serious and growing cause of many marriages turning to divorce. Adultery is harming the value and promise of what marriage truly is. If only more Americans tried not to rush into marriage. If they just took the time to experience what a true relationship consists of before taking the promised step, perhaps divorce rates would decrease and more marriages would succeed!

Divorce in America brings a lot of baggage with it. It affects all that is involved and the consequences can be damaging. The emotional welfare of divorces is unpredictable. Mental stability can be a consequence that can affect the productivity in ones life. Also, children involved in divorces can have a hard time coping with the separation of their parents. Divorce, is not necessarily always negative, but it does always have consequences. The first topic concerns emotions.

The emotional effects of divorce can be traumatic and filled with contradictory emotions. There are also specific feelings, attitudes, and dynamics dealt by both the initiator and receiver of the decision to breakup. For example, initiators are likely to experience fear, relief, distance, impatience, resentment, doubt and guilt. In a case of the receiver, it is not unusual for one to experience shock, betrayal, victimization, and low self-esteem, insecurity loss of control, anger, desire to “get even” and hopes to reconcile. All of these emotions are typically felt and are normal as long as irrational behavior is not influenced. Stages of dealing and coping usually follow divorce and can take up to a couple years to fully get over. As one deals with the stage of divorce, one will try to create ways to distance himself from his partner. Often, this distance develops into fault finding. One will begin to exaggerate every flaw and fault in their spouse’s physical being as well as their character. This helps a little in the smoothing process of the separation.

Another common and negative emotion expressed is the desperate need for vengeance. This need is usually fueled by the feeling of being blameless. A lot of energy and planning can go into getting even and the results can be nasty. Both, fault finding and vengeance are not necessary and will hinder the healing process. Positive emotions such as acceptance, taking responsibility of their own actions, focusing on the future, and acting with integrity will be the ones that will influence moving on. Not only are emotions an important factor of consequences so is the mental effects.

Depression is a common mental consequence of divorce. It can weigh heavily on the mind and body. One may start to binge eat to cover the pain or stop eating all together. They may refuse to work, get out of bed, shower, or par-take in any normal activity. The sadness could be so overwhelming that emotional outburst makes the person irritable and unstable. Drastic thoughts of suicide might invade ones mind and life may seem meaningless. Such forms of depression can lead to drug abuse and even hospitalization. When one is dishonored by someone they truly cared about, the damage can be really tragic. The next topic focuses on children.

Children involved in divorces suffer from all types of consequences. Depression, bad grades, and trouble with the law are all common amongst children of divorce. The healing and coping process can be an easy or a hard process depending on the quality of the children’s and parent’s relationship. Younger children usually suffer from denial when first dealing with their parents divorce. They begin to fantasize that their parents are not truly divorcing or they have reconciliation fantasizes. This falseness of reality results in the children lying not only to themselves but to others.

Abandonment is a huge emotional consequence of divorce. Children begin to think they are divorceable and worry if either parent will even want them. They begin to feel loads of guilt and start blaming themselves that “daddy’s leaving”.

Somehow, it is something they did or it is their fault that their parents are separating. On top of all the miss-placed blame some children suffer from, they also, at times, are in the middle of nasty custody battles. Parents start to take confidence in their children, talking negatively about the other parent. Examples are things like “daddy is divorcing us”, “Momma hates us” and so forth. This can cause a child to form protectiveness over one parent and divided loyalties towards each parent start to form. Anger and hostility can be expressed by children towards other siblings, peers, or parents. School performance can suffer and inward hostility is what is known as depression in children. Adolescences suffer are more likely to act out depression. Sleep and eating disorders, acting out, social avoidance, and physical injury are all consequences of depression caused by divorce. Children will also test a parent’s loyalty. They will refuse to talk or spend time with a parent to see what kind of reaction this type of behavior will get. In other words, they will try to seek attention by acting out. Divorce can cause lots of unneeded stress and be harmful to the growth of the children involved. All of these factors are important.

Divorce and its consequences are very harmful to all the people involved in the situation. The emotional distress can cause a person’s life upside down. The mental instability can be harmful to not only the mind but the body as well.

Consequences of divorce can be stressful, damaging and overall unnecessary for the children involved. It’s a process, few enjoy going through. If only the stages of divorce were enforced in more positive ways, where the adults handled themselves in mature manners and were much more considerate of one another’s feelings, perhaps the process of divorce would be less damaging on themselves as well as their children!

Economic effects of divorce are costly all the way around. The divorce itself can be costly. A family collapse with children could lead to increased social costs. Also, parent stereotyping is becoming an economic issue. Money is extremely important, especially when one has a family to provide for. The first topic concerns divorce costs.

Divorce costs vary depending on different factors pertaining to the divorce. Such factors can be the complexity of the case, various martial issues (care, custody, visitation, support, division of assets, debts etc.), location of the parties and/or their respective attorneys etc. Attorneys alone can cost a fortune. The more experienced the attorney the more he/she is most likely to charge. Also, bigger city attorneys tend to be much pricier. There are flat fee arrangements which many law offices may discount. These fees pay for the basic divorce actions. These fees can vary from a couple of hundred dollars and up. A low can be $500.00 to a high of $2,500.00. One should discuss with their lawyer about hourly rates and opportunities for flat fee arrangements. Hourly rates for lawyers can vary from $75.00 to $250.00 and higher. There is also a filing fee that is required (except those that meet or are under the poverty threshold) which is $215.00. If a summons is required that can cost another $25.00 to $75.00. Other costs can include publication costs, deposition costs, GAL (Guardian Ad Item) fees, investigator fees, subpoena fees. Simple divorces can be less pricey with the $215.00 filing fee and $25.00 to $75.00 sheriff costs. Not only are the divorce costs a financial blow but so is the social costs.

Research has discovered that divorce reduces the income of families with children by an average of 40 percent and almost 50 percent of these families live in poverty. It has been revealed by economic and social science data that nearly 75 percent of families in the bottom financial income group have only one parent, while 95 percent of the highest income group are headed by married couples. Also, amongst these research findings the study found three-quarters of all women applying for welfare do so because of divorce or a live-in relationship had ended. Married couples in their mid-50 make more than four-times the wealth of divorced individuals (an average of $132,000 versus $33,600).

Financially, two incomes are definitely better than one. However, in results of a divorce, separation leads to independence and single parents are forced to replace the missing income. Many single parents are forced to get jobs, get second jobs or take on more hours at the office. The results are overworked, stressed out parents who are increasingly unable to “be there” for their children. Kids in these situations are forced to grow up under their own supervision or guidance depending on their age group. The next topic focuses on parent stereotyping.

Single parent women have been told emphatically that they have little or no value in American society. Society has tried to convince women that they constitute a moral, social, and economic problem to America. The deliberate intent of this blasphemy is to keep women in what is known as the “morally correct” family system where the women attend to the children and the men work. However, in the cases of divorce one, some women no longer have the help of a man and the must take her own income. These groups are women are not silent but are silenced in some areas of the world, and denied job opportunities. Obstacles placed in the way of women who are trying to raise a family on their own are little or no government support, little or no societal support, overwork and underpay jobs with little or no advancement opportunities, and benefits or affordable health care. Though the changes in the U.S. economy over the past two years have opened its doors to single parent mothers, women are still fighting in some job areas for quality. All of these factors are important.

Divorce and its economic effects are another issue that complicates life for all involved. Specifically women as numerous researches have found. Divorce alone is extremely costly. Social costs are a big financial issue. Also, stereotyping towards single mothers is problematic. Money becomes a major stress for divorcees. If only society would be more open-minded towards the new morals of today’s generation and divorce costs could be decreased a little while government assistance increased a little, perhaps the poverty level wouldn’t be so high!

The effects of divorce on American life have numerous impacts. Many of them have negative results. The causes of divorce involving today’s youth, drug addictions, and adultery, needs to be seriously addressed. Consequences of divorce such as emotional distress, mental instability, and children effects are getting some attention but could use a lot more assistance and help from society. Financial and Economic problems are a widely overlooked effect which the government should definitely take the time to reconstruct. If America would stop trying to take over the world and take some time to better the welfare of its own people, then American people could deal strongly and efficiently with the many obstacles thrown at them everyday, such as divorce!

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